Nomination Day

It's been a long long while since i last blogged. Feeling lousy for the past 2 months. Amidst going for job interviews, begging for employment, and subsequently getting rejected over and over and over agiain, I was devoting plenty of time to following the current political affairs surrounding the up and coming general election. (when you are fooking jobless, you have abundance of free time to while away and at the same time rot slowly in the sanctualty of your home as the whole world passes you by.)

First and foremost, I would like to apologise for my insensitive previous posting slamming our dear dear P.M for not understanding the plight of the average singaporean (me in question). He has since unveiled a 'progress package' (read: bribery package), aimed solely at aiding the less fortunate (and i dun mean physically handicapped here) singaporean to tide us over the tough times ahead (read: transportation fare hike, possible GST increase. Obviously, all done after the G.E), and to give back to citizens surpluses over the course of 5 years since the last G.E. Yup, the economy has been picking up since, i think.

I would like to thank Mr Lee for his generous donation of 900 bucks to my survival fund on the 1st of May. Mr Lee, i salute you. I am now once again, an obedient dog to PAP and i will cast my sacred vote for PAP on the 6th of May.

SDA will be contesting in my GRC this coming election day. No idea who are their candidates. Only SDA party member i know of is Chiam See Tong. Heard he's been doing good at Potong Pasir for the past like 20 years. O well, good luck to him on the 6th. But the most colorful oppostition member to date now has got to be Dr Chee. All the lime light has been hogged by this 'hooligan' of an oppostion party member.

I had the pleasure of seeing him in the flash at bugis a few weeks ago when i went over to 'si ma lu' temple to seek divine assistance from a higher order to end my employment drough. There he was, in the middle of a crowd of aunties and uncles, holding the now famous 'new democrats' containing the allegedly defaming articles. These exact words were uttered from his mouth, "the PAP is corrupted, the opposition parties are here to put an end to them".

My jaw dropped and eyes almost popped out of their sockets. Wow, this man has balls the size of my head. RESPECT~ i was thinking to myself then, i smell a law suit coming his way. And sure enough, M.M and P.M bought in their trusty lawyer from Drew & Napier, Mr Darthvinder Singh.

Just out of curiosity, i'm really not sure what they can do to a guy who's already been made bankrupt. double bankruptcy? bankrupt x 2? exile? make him take of his pants and walk around naked with his mouth taped? or the most inhumane punishment ever, make him join PAP and put him up as a candidate in tanjong pagar GRC. hahaha..

Either way, i think singapore need men like chee, he adds color to the monotonous local political scene. O yah, and his now defunt podcast on the SDP website, if you have not the pleasure of listening to, it sounds amazing like a section taken right out of V for vendetta. Quite surreal i must say. Listening to it last week, i could almost picture chee behind a mask and welding his angry fist in the air. When our parliament house gets blown up, we'll know just who to look for, and no, it's not Osama nor the JI activist, it's a certain doctor behind a mask.

The government should be afraid of it's people, the people shouldn't be afraid of their government.

I for one am not afraid of the government, in fact, quite pleased with them for the time being.
Thanks for the money Mr Lee.. hahaha..

O and a parting shot, specially dedicated to Dr Chee.. "Mr Goh, where's our money!" hahahaha~

Show me the money

Yay, the general election is coming. We should all be excited bout this holy day where the future fate of Singapore is decided. For those who cannot be bothered and assume that the PAP suffering a defeat is virtually impossible and thus declaring that the G.E is plain rubbish, well, sadly, they’re probably right.

But hey, at least it’s gonna be a holiday for all, right? thou most likely it’s gonna be on a Saturday. Whatever it is, I have been eagerly anticipating news surrounding the G.E. From what I can remember bout 4 years ago, just prior to the G.E and no where near the lunar new year, the ruling party (for the past like 40 years) was giving away free ang pows.

No, the men in white were not literally parading around the island in their squeaky clean white uniforms handing out red packets but they came in the form of NSS (not related to NS) and ERS (no relation to ERP what-so-ever).

And man were they big and generous gifts from the government to help poor citizens like me with my woes. Funny though, the recipients of such monetary help were those aged 21 and above, coincidentally the legal age above where Singaporeans are entitled or rather, compelled to vote. Hmmm.. O well, shouldn’t look too much into that since I was given my fair share.

So as I was saying, here I was a couple of weeks ago, getting myself excited over the news of a possible G.E anytime soon as hinted by our dear dear Prime minister. I waited and waited and waited, and yet there was no news at all bout any possibility of ang pows being distributed to the public to gently sway the votes in their favor. There were stuffs on the Workers Party’s manifesto, some stuffs bout who’s gonna head what GRCs and that’s it. Nothing bout big fat ang pows.

Come on Mr Lee, I will pledge my undying allegiance to the sacred PAP in return for a few miserable bucks just like 4 years ago but instead you choose to believe that money is not the solution to winning hearts and votes now that you are the head honcho for the party.

You are so wrong dude, you have angered this citizen, deprived of his NSS and ERS, and this once loyal slave to the almighty PAP will vote for the Workers Party this year even though you’ll have us believe that they’re trying to plant ‘time bombs’ in the community.

Speaking of bombs, I do hope that all this racial riots against the Danish and European people will come to a halt soon, make that very very soon. I digress.

So here I am, almost at the brink of crying out loud while at the same time feeling immensely frustrated at the thought of not receiving the big G.E ang pow this year. This is what I’m gonna do, I shall be a petty loser like most of population here (did I just say that?) and whine and complain bout the situation on my blog. Never mind that it’ll make me sound like a complete idiot, I’ll still continue letting out steam if it pleases me so.

And while I’m at it, might as well throw in a few insults at the “we believed that money is the carrot previously but are running out of carrots for what ever reasons to carry on enticing you greedy rabbits to vote for us” party to make myself feel better.

Here I go…

Vivian Balakrishnan is a girl’s name.. hahahaha…

Khaw Boon Wan is Henry Thia’s long lost twin brother with better hygiene.
Let’s just move on everybody? hahahaha…

I feel so much better now.

___________________________________________________

news update

Just been informed that the PAP may be considering some sort of rebate or incentive to be given out to us people. No concrete plans as to how it will be divided among the public or in fact whether the freebies will materialise. Sort of a budget surplus of 2 billion from last year they say. Shall not enquire too much, will just keep my fingers crossed and pray real hard for it to come true.

O, and to Mr Lee, Mr Vivian and Mr Khaw, pardon me for the jokes in bad taste, that is provided I do get my hands on the dough in future. if not, burn in hell you people, for giving me false hope. hahaha..

Starting young

In this little small dot on the map that we call home, you can take the mrt from one end of the island to the other in about an hour. Some people will disagree with me on this but the cost of public transportation is relatively cheap when you compare it with similar developed countries around the world.

We have tons of buses on the road with stops nearly every 500 metres or less covering almost every corner of the island. Taxis are abundant although some might complain that they are rarely spotted 30 minutes before midnight or around Orchard, but still, if you’re desperate enough, they're at most just a call away.

In my opinion, people here should be quite satisfied with the ease of travel within the country, but no, the average Singaporean is only too obsessed with paying exorbitant prices for that chunk of metal on four wheels, never mind that cars here easily cost twice as much as any other country in the world and the land area available for travel is, should I say, rather limited.

Apparently, the idea of paying eight thousand bucks for a piece of paper that actually does nothing at all seems to go down well with the locals. Insane by any other standards I would say but not so here.

The erection (smile) of more money sucking gantries everywhere nowadays also could not deter anyone from purchasing their own wheels and obviously, parking charges are not an issue at all to them.

And what do they do when they finally get their hands on their new ride? For the ah sia kias with money to flush down toilet bowls, its carbon fibre spoiler, carbon fibre bonnet, Recaro seats, flashy body kits, and exhaust pipes you can fit your head in. For the financially strapped, having spent a small fortune on actually acquiring the ride, it’s carbon fibre stickers, Recaro seat belt covers, flashy tissue covers and Ron92 petrol.

Wealthy people buy a car and pimp their ride while the poorer ones save up, buy their car and do a little pimping as well. Whatever it is, the obtaining of a car and the pimping part is essential to all regardless of how much money they have in the bank and most Singaporeans are willing to literally starve to death trying then give up their dream of having their own ride.

The situation has gotten worse through the years and I realize now that the ‘I want a ride to pimp’ virus is spreading like some mutated H5N1 to even the younger ones who are not even legal on the road yet.

Leather seats are so uncle-ish, I said Recaro bucket seats dad, Ree..caar..roo.. You hear me.

Someone come up with a vaccine or something soon please.

Tong Tong Tong Chiang

What Lunar New Year meant to me in the past.

1. Buying New Year clothes at people's park.

2. Admiring and walking around the house in my new shoes for hours.

3. Decorating the place up with ornaments bought from Chinatown.

4. Watching but never helping out my mum and aunt with the preparation of food.

5. Eating Bak Gua, sweets and drinking soft drinks like there’s no tomorrow.

6. Reunion dinner in a shop house packed with people (all 10 of us).

7. Some cheena tong tong chiang music blasting away in the background.

8. Relatives chatting away at the dinning table.

9. Midnight trips on board a lorry round Chinatown (while praying hard it won’t rain).

10. Staying up late to watch SBC New Year's Eve programmes.

11. Being told to greet everyone I meet ‘Gong Xi Fa Cai’ and having absolutely no idea why I’m doing it.

12. Receiving ang pows from everyone and subsequently cursing those who gave me only $2.

What Lunar New Year mean to me now.

Nothing much.......... Gone were the good old days.
Enough yaking for now,
Happy Lunar New Year everyone.

I still welcome the ang pows though

I am but a man

Was walking past a convenient store when the Feb edition of FHM tucked away in a corner caught my attention. The pretty girls on the cover seemed to whisper into my ears, “take me home, you won’t regret it”, while simultaneously tickling my earlobes seductively. I swear I can feel their breath down my neck. Ok, I am exaggerating quite a bit but hey, every man’s entitled to his own fantasy, however far fetched it may sound.

Any sensible person will know that 6 bucks for a bloody magazine thinner than the free ikea catalogues you get in the mail is a sheer waste of money but few men can withstand the temptation of SYTs in skimpy clothing, especially when she’s smiling at you invitingly. I am not one of those few men.

So there I was, in the comfort of my room, tearing away at the plastic sheet that the FHM people has ingeniously wrapped over this month’s issue to prevent cheapos from browsing the mag at Kinokuniya without rewarding their effort with cold hard cash (I most certainly am not one of those low life cheapos at Kinokuniya. I’ll have you know that I do my browsing at Borders).

Once removed, out dropped a little booklet with the words “Singapore’s 100 hottest girls next door” Ooolala, I’ve struck gold. I have absolutely no idea why so many locals guys are fascinated with Caucasian babes, I’ll prefer local delicacies over ang mors any time.

I was feasting my eyes on the girls when I came across no. 52. Hey, it’s Linda.

Haven’t seen her around for like a year, last thing I could recall was us watching a movie at Suntec and freezing to death having drenched ourselves in the rain earlier on. A chilling experience so to speak.

As a friend, I feel obliged to vote and send her through to the finals (it’s sort of like a contest thing going on), but there were at least 3 good reasons I can think of to not vote for her.

Reason number 1 – Cheryl

Just look at those eyes

Reason number 2 – Michelle

Just look at those eyes again.

Reason number 3 – Desiree

Just look at the body.

And there were of course other reasons like Pearlyn, Cherry, Wu Ling (who kinda remind me of my gf), Yi Lin and Bellis (and why is there a Oh Yew Teck in the contest, isn’t that like a guy’s name)

So, to Linda, I am SORRY, really, but I, like I’ve said before, am but a weak man who’s knees go jelly when skimpily dressed SYTs smile at me, especially when they bend forward and pushes their arms together in front of their chest. The mind is willing but the heart is weak.

Ah… I can almost feel a finger tickling my ear again.

Jakarta explained

A couple of things I learnt from my trip to Jakarta.

1. Traveling at 1km/30min is normal in peak hour jam.

2. Tuk Tuks are not only found in Thailand, they call them Bajal there.

3. 80% of the vehicles on the road are MPVs and SUVs.

4. They don’t have potholes on the road. Over there, they only have pot-craters.

5. My cousin looks like a younger and thinner version of 5566’s Xu Meng Zhe (the other one looks mildly like Liu Qing Yun, and I look just like a big red oval).

6. The typical Chinese converse more fluently in Malay then Mandarin.

7. The preferred taxi company there is named “blue bird”.

8. The average Indonesian makes phone calls to Mars at a cheaper rate than Singapore’s domestic calls.

9. Their CBD puts our CBD to shame.

10. Pirated DVDs retail for 80cents a piece.

The Grandma I never knew

Just back from Jakarta, was there for three days to attend my grandma’s funeral. Went with mixed feelings and returned to Singapore with a better understanding of my relatives and their lives in Indonesia.

Strange enough, the air ticket there traveling by SQ was only $25 more expensive compared to a ticket from Jetstar. Dad and I gladly opted for the preferred airline.

It took just one and a half hour to reach Jakarta. The cab journey meant another 1 hour and we were later informed by our relatives that the taxi fare we paid was 10 times the normal amount. Talk about a rip off.

One by one, relatives whom my dad and I have never met before came over to greet us. The scene looked like one out of a film where brothers have been separated at birth.

Dad: Hello, and you are?
Unknown person 1: I am your 2nd youngest brother.

Dad: Hello, you are?
Unknown person 2: I am your 3rd youngest brother.

Me: Hi, you are?
Unknown person 3: I am your elder cousin.

The whole getting to know each other episode seemed so unreal. After a whole lot of introduction and clarification, I came to realize that I have 4 uncles, 2 aunties and a bunch of cousins, all of whom I’ve never met in my entire life. Talk about a surreal experience.

Grandma’s wake took place the next day. What I was feeling at that moment was beyond words. Imagine yourself kneeling next to your cousins, uncles and aunties who are but strangers to you. Your grandma whom you've only seen once in your whole life is right in front of you, lying in a coffin. All around you, people are crying in grief for losing someone they love and your mind is a blank.

There were no tears, only emptiness and the thought of what could have been my life if grandma had not decided to send dad over to stay in Singapore some 40 years ago. What living in Jakarta with her around would be like. Lots of questions unanswered forever.

Grandma was cremated the next day, her ashes will be released into the ocean.

My uncle offering his last respect to his beloved mother